What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
