finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
