You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
