My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
