so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
