Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why are your pants in the freezer?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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