When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Randomize
