I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
