No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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