you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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