He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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