I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
