If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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