Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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