i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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