i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
