Sponge bath it is.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We talked him into tasing himself.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
