Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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