Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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