It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Life is so much better after having sex.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
