it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
