we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
