you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
