I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
