Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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