If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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