omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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