I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
