omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
