lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
