I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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