please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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