he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
