Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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