You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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