the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
