Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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