This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
These tits shall not be calmed
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
