I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
