I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
