Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
