I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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