If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
being pregnant is like rehab
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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