I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
