my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
