Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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