Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
