please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
