dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
