This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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