I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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